SOMETIMES IT COMES WITH A SHOVE

Life just threw a curve ball...and it was coming really, really fast.

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

I kind of have this problem of not being able to hear God speaking to me through words. I'm definitely learning how, but for the moment I'm not quite sure why I can't hear him...maybe it's because I am ingnoring him? Maybe it's because I am not REALLY listening, just kind of? Maybe it's because I don't REALLY want to hear what he's trying to say to me or teach me? Maybe it's because I'm scared? I don't really know the reason. But I do know I almost ALWAYS hear him through worship. It doesn't matter who is singing or where I am at, worship is my most powerful way of speaking to God and hearing him talk back. Last night at ASU YL I definitely felt him stronger than I have in a while. I was a little disappointed when they said the main worship leader was out of town and they had two different people to lead this week. That is until they started. It was so simple, just a husband and wife, the husband played the guitar while the wife sang. It was so beautiful and she had the most stunning voice. They had just recorded an album in Tennessee and wanted to sing a song to us from that album. It was called 'Bricks' and it brought me to tears. One of the lines really stuck out to me,

"He said, Let me cradle your head. I said, No, I don't need the sleep"

He being God.

It was one of those times when you feel like it was meant for you to hear, or they were speaking/singing straight to you FROM God. You see, God just wants to be there for us. For me. We will never understand his love or mercy, but we can certainly accept it. He wants us to come to him in our times of need, suffereing, happiness, fear, whatever. Why do we push him away? Lately I have been feeling like I want to do "life" on my own and I don't need guidance or direction. I want to experience different things and I want to go in different directions just to see what it's all about. HA. Why? What's a better way to live than through the spirit and guidance of Christ? Everytime I begin to fall away life gets rough and I get scared. Following God isn't just any ol' thing...it's a lifestyle that leads to happiness and blessing and is full of love and grace. It's a lesson that I have learned over and over again.

After the worship, Shaleen Kendrick gave the talk. I didn't know Shaleen personally until last night, but I knew that I got the most out of YL when she was speaking. She has such a beautiful way of connecting her life to ours and breaking down the scriptures into a step by step plan of action. I love it when she talks. Last night she spoke about waiting and obedience when it comes to God. Two things that I am not very good at. She is waiting for much more important things though, like a baby to be brought to her through adoption. It's been a long time coming for her and her family waiting for this precious child and they had just gotten some news that the waiting was going to become even longer. She was heartbroken. She said she felt like God was telling her to do these certain things and wait for him, yet she didn't feel his presence AT ALL. she said he felt completely absent right now, and right now is when she needs him most. Although I am not waiting on an adoption process to be complete, I am definitely feeling like God is absent.

I am a very impatient person when it comes to EVERYTHING and it gets me every time and I am disobedient to God pretty much on a regular basis. Aren't we all though? She spoke words of encouragement to all of us and prayed so hard at the end...yes, I was still crying. They were tears of relief though, I think. Relief that I wasn't the only one going through this. God doesn't want us to sit around and wait for him. He wants us to live and he wants us to pray and he wants us to love. Even in his times of absence, he is always going to be there. If we aren't living through him and for him, we will have a very long life of waiting and of anger and disappointment. If we pray and love and are obedient when we hear God we will have a beautiful life of living.

REAL TIRED

Okay, I am getting kind of annoyed of people telling me I am not taking school or my education seriously just because I go to a community college.

First of all, that is ridiculous
Second, it's waaaaay CHEAPER than a university
Third, I am getting the same education I would be getting at a university, just with 20 other students in a class as opposed to 800 other students
Fourth, I am VERY serious about school and I take my future very seriously
Fifth, everything about it is easier, parking, less people-traffic, more one on one time with the teacher, OH YEA and it's cheaper.

And for those of you who don't know, I will have a bachelor's degree upon leaving SCC. Thank you very much.

So for those people who think I am just slacking off and giving up, don't make me come and punch you in the face.




PS. Today has been a wonderful day so far. I'm not in a bad mood in the least! I just wanted to get that out :) Yep.

THOU AND THOU ONLY, FIRST IN MY HEART

This has not been a true statement for me lately. As much as I wish I could say it was, or maybe even close to it, it wouldn't be true. I have a really hard time in being able to only depend on God. This kicks me in the butt EVERY SINGLE TIME. We are all constantly being let down by those around us, whether it be our friends or family. That's no surprise either because we aren't perfect. But how are we supposed to change the desire of asking those around us for help to asking God for help and going to him first and foremost? I HAVE NO IDEA. I struggle with this all the time. I think lately I have been wanting answers right away and wanting to know what's going to happen next and God doesn't work that way. When we ask for help he doesn't respond ASAP like we wish he would. He has a plan for us and everything that happens is all part of that plan. And most of the time we won't be able to see that until we have gone through it and are able to look back on what happens and what came from it. But nonetheless, it all comes down to trusting God. He might not do exactly what you want him to, but he will NEVER let you down.

PLEASE, STOP

Don't act like you care
Don't act like you really want to understand
Don't act like everything is only MY fault
Don't pretend to be there

I wish you were the person I knew before
I wish you could understand what happened
I wish you could see the hurt
I wish you would just let it be

PLEASE, stop putting words into my mouth
PLEASE, Stop putting feelings into my heart
You have no idea
You never really cared.

BLAHBLAHBLAH

The little statue on the stool to the right! So beautiful. It's a piece of art as well as a hat holder!


Oversized plants? Yes, please!



The little bookcase in the wall is to die for! LOVE!



And my absolute FAVORITE:


The different sized frames and mirror mixed with the silhouette is so stunning along with the random artwork! And the striped wall paper is so bold but perfect for this space! Ahhh!

These have all been decorated by Domino. The book from Domino is also known as the New Interior Designers Bible; they couldn't be more correct. And I couldn't be more in love with all of the rooms. I can't wait to have my own space!!

CAN'T GET THIS OUTTA MY HEAD

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good
Heart of Life, by John Mayer

I was randomly looking through pictures and came across this one:


Wow. Everything about it is perfect.

Today is really just dragging on. I'm not quite sure why. I'm just in a blah mood I guess...nothing is going bad but nothing is going fantastic either! Just right in the middle..which is a good place to be I guess

INTO THE NIGHT

This is a painting that one of my leaders, Tarah Eland, did:



SO amazing and SO inspiring! She is incredibly talented! I aspire to be as good as her someday :)

School is finally starting to kick into gear. But I have to admit, I really, really enjoy design school. It's something new everyday, with hands on studio classes so I can learn for myself and how I work best. The classes are all exciting and teach me alot. This semester In AutoCad (computer software) we drew a fully furnished house from scratch. Even the furniture and doors and windows we drew from scratch. In drafting we are actually hand drawing/ drafting our first home as well! Lots of projects and things to do coming up!!

On a side note, I am very distracted lately!



In church, in class, and with my family. There is a reason behind this.
I met somebody.
I met a very sweet boy.

Anyways, this is thanks to my distraction: 3 photos I can't stop looking at!


I used to be a dancer and I miss it very, very much. She is soo pretty.


I am obsessed with photography..especially done with instant photos. I wish they were still around and that the cameras and film were readily available for purchase.


I can't wait to design houses and interiors for people. Absolutely cannot wait.
Blah Blah Blah. These are all just some random thoughts
Enough said.

WHISPERS HELLO, I MISS YOU QUITE TERRIBLY

I have to admit...I am very sad right now. But a different kind of sad. A sadness that is deep within. I recently read a blog of a friend, well, kind of a friend. In his post he talked about (very HONESTLY talked about) the problems he has been struggling with in following Jesus. We all have trouble with that... because we never get it perfect. We are always learning. One of the main things that kept jumping out at me was that this friend really, really wanted to make a difference. He wanted to share the love of Jesus by simply blessing others, not caring about his or anyone else's outward appearances, giving away his time voluntarily, and getting others to come to Christ. He then went on to talk about how he feels as if he has failed in ALL of those intended directions.

This is where my heart broke.

This friend is wrong. He changed my life. From the day I met him, things have been different. Almost all of our conversations were about Jesus and how he has affected and was still affecting our lives. I found myself going to visit this friend at work 3-4 times a week just so I could hear more about Jesus. He asked me difficult questions almost every time we talked and made me really evaluate myself and my relationship with Christ. He made me think, and think hard. He made me want to be a better person and share the love of Christ with others. He suggested books that I should read, so I did. He suggested volunteering for the homeless, so I did. He suggested I just try hard every day to completely and compassionately love Jesus with all of my heart, so I did. I know I learn this every week in church, but there was something different about this fellow friend dealing with the same things as me and trying to personally help me that was different. These are just a couple of things this friend taught me. I know very well now that it was all Jesus' doing. Jesus was working through this friend and speaking through him directly to me.

And the thing that is most sad about this is he has no idea about any of that. I never told him how much of an impact he had on my life and how he made me want to change. I wish I had had the guts to tell him. I wish I had the guts now to tell him. Maybe I can someday. I haven't seen or heard from him in a looong time until today when I read his blog. It would be weird to just throw this all to him when we haven't talked in a while. So maybe he will read this and know I am talking about him. I hope so.

SOO the question is, why are we always so afriad to speak what is on our minds and on our hearts? Is it because we are afraid of rejection? Someone might laugh at us or think we are stupid? What is it? I know I am afraid of all of these things. We need to stop. It's not fair to anyone. Maybe this friend of mind would be a little bit more confident in his walk with God if he had know the impact he made on me. Maybe we would still be friends if we both had the guts to say what was REALLY wrong and on our hearts. Why can't we just be real with one another and be honest with one another? Yea, it may get us hurt sometimes...but I'd rather take that risk and know that I was being real then keeping it all to myself and feeling miserable. And THEN find out that if I had just said what I was feeling that someone else might not be as miserable or sad or discouraged as they are.

These are my newest goals. Tell those I love that I love them everyday. Tell those that make an impact on my life how blessed I feel to know them. Ask those I need to for forgiveness. To be real with those around me. And to love God with all of who I am, ALWAYS.
:)

WE ARE THE PHANTOMS OF OURSELVES

I went out on a limb today. Not a very big one, considering it was just to the college group at Mission Community Church, but a limb nonetheless. For some reason, all day, all I could think about was going to Ember (that's the name of the group) and how I needed to go. I just felt a continuous little tug on my heart telling me to go and not to be afraid. Usually my schedule doesn't allow for me to be able to go because I have class right in the middle of it. But tonight I didn't... coincidence? So, I went.

I am SO glad I went. During worship they sang one of my favorite songs, "I Exalt Thee..." coincidence?
A great friend that I hadn't seen in a while and had been thinking about non-stop was there... coincidence?

The pastor asked some really great questions. One that stuck out to me more than others, "Do we ever make encountering God more difficult or complicated than it needs to be?" and by that he meant what are the barriers that we put up between us and God because we think they need to be there. This really got me thinking. We get this idea in our head that we have to say just the right thing to God, or that we have to pray the perfect prayer, or that we have to act like we have everything together all the time, or that God can only do so much, or that our problem is stupid and that God won't care about one "tiny, insignificant" thing. None of that is true. We just need to be real with him. We are never going to be able to fully understand him or his love for us, but the least we can give back to him is our honesty and our realness. Being real with God all of the time will help to knock down those barriers. He knows exactly what we are thinking and he knows everything that is on our hearts at all times. There is nothing he can't see or hear. So why be fake?

And I am definitely speaking about myself here.

A friend said earlier that it seems that just when you think you have it all together or it looks like you have it all together, you fall. Well, in a way I think that's very true. We tend to only want God around during the hard times. When we get to the top of the tree we forget that it was really him who helped us get there. So when something happens to us on top of the tree, we don't turn straight to him and ask for his help, so we fall. We think we can handle it and we don't need God anymore now that we have made it to the top. That is when we need God the most. At least I do. Being at Ember tonight opened my eyes to this and made me realize the barriers I have been dealing with. I haven't been real with God and I have been trying to handle life on my own. It's impossible. He is the one and only person I can depend on all of the time. 2 Corinthians 1: 3 "All praise to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of compassion and the source of all comfort."

:)

THE GRASS ISN'T ALWAYS GREENER

Why is it that restaurants always seem to have the WORST gossip and the most drama out of any other place of employment? I started working at Pf Changs again and I have already witnessed sooo much gossip and drama and I've only been there for 3 days! Gossip does nothing but hurt the person it's about and make the person speaking it look stupid and immature. Can we please all just grow up?

However, with that being said, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

This is something that I have learned the very hard way. Over the past year I have had four different jobs. I know, I know, a bit ridiculous but nonetheless, 4. I have had some great times and learned a WHOLE lot from each and every one (each one of them teaching me a little something different than the last.) What I also learned was how big of a mistake it was to ever leave my favorite and the best job ever! I look back and ask myself, "What the ---- were you thinking?!?" Just because there are some annoying parts to life that are dealt with on a very regular basis doesn't mean you have to go and run away from them. We, me especially, need to focus more and try harder on acting more Christ like and then all of these "annoying" parts will feel so insignificant.

Who cares what this person said about that person or what crazy thing that person did this weekend or what a jerk that person was being 2 hours earlier. Who cares.


Wheeewww...glad I got that out.

On a happier note, today was such a great day. And it had nothing to do with the fact that it was Valentines Day (I find this holiday kind of stupid...I think people should treat each other like it was Valentines Day EVERY day :).) Went to Praxis Church this morning and listened to Justin speak an amazing sermon about the Passover. Came home and found a suprise valentines gift on my desk from one of my roommates that was HAND made...deliciously scented soaps shaped like hearts!! :)



She is soo sweet! You can look at some other things she has hand made here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/megan15

After that nice little surprise, went to MC (that's Missional Community for those of you who don't know) and ate some hot wings and hung out some wonderful people. Then went to work where it feels like it's my second home. AND, tomorrow is a HOLIDAY!! No school! I am planning on finding a cozy corner at Cartel Coffee Lab in Tempe and camping out alllll day until my HW is done and my test has been studied for!
Please God give me the ability to stay focused and sit still for 5+ hours tomorrow
Then it'll be off to work again. And for now...bedtime

Goodnight.

LOVE UNREACHABLE, CAME TO US

I absolutely love my church. Praxis Church, that is.
God has truely blessed me with the most amazing place to worship him.
Just this morning as a Praxis original song was being played by the band, I was completely blown away. All I could see were hands held high and all I could hear were the sounds of every single person in the congregation singing along. Garth's voice was drowned out by the people of the church crying out to God.

It sent chills up and down my body. Good chills.