I kind of have this problem of not being able to hear God speaking to me through words. I'm definitely learning how, but for the moment I'm not quite sure why I can't hear him...maybe it's because I am ingnoring him? Maybe it's because I am not REALLY listening, just kind of? Maybe it's because I don't REALLY want to hear what he's trying to say to me or teach me? Maybe it's because I'm scared? I don't really know the reason. But I do know I almost ALWAYS hear him through worship. It doesn't matter who is singing or where I am at, worship is my most powerful way of speaking to God and hearing him talk back. Last night at ASU YL I definitely felt him stronger than I have in a while. I was a little disappointed when they said the main worship leader was out of town and they had two different people to lead this week. That is until they started. It was so simple, just a husband and wife, the husband played the guitar while the wife sang. It was so beautiful and she had the most stunning voice. They had just recorded an album in Tennessee and wanted to sing a song to us from that album. It was called 'Bricks' and it brought me to tears. One of the lines really stuck out to me,
"He said, Let me cradle your head. I said, No, I don't need the sleep"
He being God.
It was one of those times when you feel like it was meant for you to hear, or they were speaking/singing straight to you FROM God. You see, God just wants to be there for us. For me. We will never understand his love or mercy, but we can certainly accept it. He wants us to come to him in our times of need, suffereing, happiness, fear, whatever. Why do we push him away? Lately I have been feeling like I want to do "life" on my own and I don't need guidance or direction. I want to experience different things and I want to go in different directions just to see what it's all about. HA. Why? What's a better way to live than through the spirit and guidance of Christ? Everytime I begin to fall away life gets rough and I get scared. Following God isn't just any ol' thing...it's a lifestyle that leads to happiness and blessing and is full of love and grace. It's a lesson that I have learned over and over again.
After the worship, Shaleen Kendrick gave the talk. I didn't know Shaleen personally until last night, but I knew that I got the most out of YL when she was speaking. She has such a beautiful way of connecting her life to ours and breaking down the scriptures into a step by step plan of action. I love it when she talks. Last night she spoke about waiting and obedience when it comes to God. Two things that I am not very good at. She is waiting for much more important things though, like a baby to be brought to her through adoption. It's been a long time coming for her and her family waiting for this precious child and they had just gotten some news that the waiting was going to become even longer. She was heartbroken. She said she felt like God was telling her to do these certain things and wait for him, yet she didn't feel his presence AT ALL. she said he felt completely absent right now, and right now is when she needs him most. Although I am not waiting on an adoption process to be complete, I am definitely feeling like God is absent.
I am a very impatient person when it comes to EVERYTHING and it gets me every time and I am disobedient to God pretty much on a regular basis. Aren't we all though? She spoke words of encouragement to all of us and prayed so hard at the end...yes, I was still crying. They were tears of relief though, I think. Relief that I wasn't the only one going through this. God doesn't want us to sit around and wait for him. He wants us to live and he wants us to pray and he wants us to love. Even in his times of absence, he is always going to be there. If we aren't living through him and for him, we will have a very long life of waiting and of anger and disappointment. If we pray and love and are obedient when we hear God we will have a beautiful life of living.
