SOMETIMES IT COMES WITH A SHOVE

Life just threw a curve ball...and it was coming really, really fast.

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

I kind of have this problem of not being able to hear God speaking to me through words. I'm definitely learning how, but for the moment I'm not quite sure why I can't hear him...maybe it's because I am ingnoring him? Maybe it's because I am not REALLY listening, just kind of? Maybe it's because I don't REALLY want to hear what he's trying to say to me or teach me? Maybe it's because I'm scared? I don't really know the reason. But I do know I almost ALWAYS hear him through worship. It doesn't matter who is singing or where I am at, worship is my most powerful way of speaking to God and hearing him talk back. Last night at ASU YL I definitely felt him stronger than I have in a while. I was a little disappointed when they said the main worship leader was out of town and they had two different people to lead this week. That is until they started. It was so simple, just a husband and wife, the husband played the guitar while the wife sang. It was so beautiful and she had the most stunning voice. They had just recorded an album in Tennessee and wanted to sing a song to us from that album. It was called 'Bricks' and it brought me to tears. One of the lines really stuck out to me,

"He said, Let me cradle your head. I said, No, I don't need the sleep"

He being God.

It was one of those times when you feel like it was meant for you to hear, or they were speaking/singing straight to you FROM God. You see, God just wants to be there for us. For me. We will never understand his love or mercy, but we can certainly accept it. He wants us to come to him in our times of need, suffereing, happiness, fear, whatever. Why do we push him away? Lately I have been feeling like I want to do "life" on my own and I don't need guidance or direction. I want to experience different things and I want to go in different directions just to see what it's all about. HA. Why? What's a better way to live than through the spirit and guidance of Christ? Everytime I begin to fall away life gets rough and I get scared. Following God isn't just any ol' thing...it's a lifestyle that leads to happiness and blessing and is full of love and grace. It's a lesson that I have learned over and over again.

After the worship, Shaleen Kendrick gave the talk. I didn't know Shaleen personally until last night, but I knew that I got the most out of YL when she was speaking. She has such a beautiful way of connecting her life to ours and breaking down the scriptures into a step by step plan of action. I love it when she talks. Last night she spoke about waiting and obedience when it comes to God. Two things that I am not very good at. She is waiting for much more important things though, like a baby to be brought to her through adoption. It's been a long time coming for her and her family waiting for this precious child and they had just gotten some news that the waiting was going to become even longer. She was heartbroken. She said she felt like God was telling her to do these certain things and wait for him, yet she didn't feel his presence AT ALL. she said he felt completely absent right now, and right now is when she needs him most. Although I am not waiting on an adoption process to be complete, I am definitely feeling like God is absent.

I am a very impatient person when it comes to EVERYTHING and it gets me every time and I am disobedient to God pretty much on a regular basis. Aren't we all though? She spoke words of encouragement to all of us and prayed so hard at the end...yes, I was still crying. They were tears of relief though, I think. Relief that I wasn't the only one going through this. God doesn't want us to sit around and wait for him. He wants us to live and he wants us to pray and he wants us to love. Even in his times of absence, he is always going to be there. If we aren't living through him and for him, we will have a very long life of waiting and of anger and disappointment. If we pray and love and are obedient when we hear God we will have a beautiful life of living.

REAL TIRED

Okay, I am getting kind of annoyed of people telling me I am not taking school or my education seriously just because I go to a community college.

First of all, that is ridiculous
Second, it's waaaaay CHEAPER than a university
Third, I am getting the same education I would be getting at a university, just with 20 other students in a class as opposed to 800 other students
Fourth, I am VERY serious about school and I take my future very seriously
Fifth, everything about it is easier, parking, less people-traffic, more one on one time with the teacher, OH YEA and it's cheaper.

And for those of you who don't know, I will have a bachelor's degree upon leaving SCC. Thank you very much.

So for those people who think I am just slacking off and giving up, don't make me come and punch you in the face.




PS. Today has been a wonderful day so far. I'm not in a bad mood in the least! I just wanted to get that out :) Yep.

THOU AND THOU ONLY, FIRST IN MY HEART

This has not been a true statement for me lately. As much as I wish I could say it was, or maybe even close to it, it wouldn't be true. I have a really hard time in being able to only depend on God. This kicks me in the butt EVERY SINGLE TIME. We are all constantly being let down by those around us, whether it be our friends or family. That's no surprise either because we aren't perfect. But how are we supposed to change the desire of asking those around us for help to asking God for help and going to him first and foremost? I HAVE NO IDEA. I struggle with this all the time. I think lately I have been wanting answers right away and wanting to know what's going to happen next and God doesn't work that way. When we ask for help he doesn't respond ASAP like we wish he would. He has a plan for us and everything that happens is all part of that plan. And most of the time we won't be able to see that until we have gone through it and are able to look back on what happens and what came from it. But nonetheless, it all comes down to trusting God. He might not do exactly what you want him to, but he will NEVER let you down.

PLEASE, STOP

Don't act like you care
Don't act like you really want to understand
Don't act like everything is only MY fault
Don't pretend to be there

I wish you were the person I knew before
I wish you could understand what happened
I wish you could see the hurt
I wish you would just let it be

PLEASE, stop putting words into my mouth
PLEASE, Stop putting feelings into my heart
You have no idea
You never really cared.

BLAHBLAHBLAH

The little statue on the stool to the right! So beautiful. It's a piece of art as well as a hat holder!


Oversized plants? Yes, please!



The little bookcase in the wall is to die for! LOVE!



And my absolute FAVORITE:


The different sized frames and mirror mixed with the silhouette is so stunning along with the random artwork! And the striped wall paper is so bold but perfect for this space! Ahhh!

These have all been decorated by Domino. The book from Domino is also known as the New Interior Designers Bible; they couldn't be more correct. And I couldn't be more in love with all of the rooms. I can't wait to have my own space!!

CAN'T GET THIS OUTTA MY HEAD

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good
Heart of Life, by John Mayer

I was randomly looking through pictures and came across this one:


Wow. Everything about it is perfect.

Today is really just dragging on. I'm not quite sure why. I'm just in a blah mood I guess...nothing is going bad but nothing is going fantastic either! Just right in the middle..which is a good place to be I guess